As I kind of alluded to in my last entry, not only have I been busy with all my projects at work, but I have also been pretty busy outside of work. Recently, my friend Lauren came to visit me. She is on a post-graduation adventure through South American and decided to start here in Ecuador—which, I have to say, was an excellent choice because Ecuador is awesome. Though I had to work during the week, we got to go on several weekend escapades. The first was to the beach in Salinas. We ate delicious sea food, lounged on the beach all day (under the comfort of an umbrella. I learned my lesson about the sun here in Puerto Lopez). The water was so warm that I just floated around in essentially a huge bathtub for a while. It was fantastic. We also went out dancing one night. They played a great mix of salsa and reggaeton. Then I sent Lauren up the coast and headed back to work on Sunday night. Sadly, the camera didn’t make it out to take any pictures of the trip (largely for fear of having it stolen).
The following weekend a couple of my PC friends and Lauren and I met up to go to a crater lake called Quilotoa. It was awesome. The first day we hiked down to the lake and rented kayaks and paddled around for a while. The next day Kellie and I decided to go on a 12km hike around the rim of the crater. She and I are training to summit one of the volcanoes here called Cotopaxi. The summit is around 19,000 ft and requires gear and a guide. This was a good first hike since it was surprisingly steep at certain points. Although, we’ve still got a lot of training to do.
I have also been hanging out with some friends in Cuenca, the third largest city in Ecuador. It’s about 3.5 to 4 hours from Alausi depending on traffic and if the bus driver stops for lunch. There are a ton of gringos in Cuenca considering that so many people retire there. It was actually kind of funny, we went to this bar and were easily the youngest people in there by 30 years. But the retirees were really cool and we all kind of chatted. I’ve decided that people retire to Cuenca not only because it’s beautiful and cheap compared to the US, but also because they want to party like they were 25 again. But I mean, what is retirement for right? It’s nice that I have an escape so close by. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life in Alausí, but sometimes I really just need to speak English. But I do have to be careful with that, because it is easy to fall into a trap of only hanging out with gringos all the time because it’s easy. I didn’t come to Ecuador to hang out with gringos. I can do that at home. So I try to find a happy medium.
With all this traveling, however, I’ve tried to make sure I was back in Alausi by Sunday morning. Sometimes I have taller with a group of jovenes from the communities on Sunday mornings. Sometimes I don’t, but I still like to be in site Sunday mornings because my host mom generally prepares a delicious breakfast for the whole family. Also, before I lived here there was a family of 4 girls living with her while their parents worked in Spain. When their mom came back to Alausí, the girls moved back in with her, but they still come to our house to visit. I like hanging out with them some too (they are from ages 6 to 13). I’ve also been spending a lot of time with my host family during the week. The other night we all sat in the living room chatting until 11pm. It was really nice.
I’ve also been hanging out with friends I’ve made here in Alausí. I have one friend who is exactly my age (we are literally like a week apart). However, she is married with a 1 year old (who is by far the cutest kid in Ecuador). She works at one of the hotels in town. Sometimes I just go and hang out with her at work, especially at night when she doesn’t like to be there alone. She always shares with me the local gossip. Sometimes when I’m in town on Saturdays she and another friend and I go out dancing. Sometimes their husbands come and sometimes not. I do have to say, these are some of the nicest guys I’ve met here. Maybe it’s because they are with their wives, but they are really cool with me and treat me like a friend without any flirtation or ulterior motives—which is rare for Ecuadorian men. They seem to think that American girls, especially blondes are easy and it is therefore okay to say inappropriate things or hit on me constantly. Unfortunately for them, I am not easy.
I also have another group of friends I’ve been hanging out with. This weekend we had a parrillada—which is basically a barbeque. We sat around drinking Chilean wine and eating delicious grilled steak, pork and sausages with potatoes, corn and tres leches cake for dessert. It was great. It reminded me a lot of the dinner parties I used to have at home with all my friends. I do really miss steak and cake night. It was interesting, though, to see the group dynamic. With my friends at home EVERYONE is involved. The guys cook just as much, if not more, than the girls do. No one is serving anyone and everyone does dishes. Here, only the girls cooked. The guys just sat around smoking waiting for the girls to serve them. I mean, it wasn’t like they were saying, “Hey women, go cook for us!” It was a very friendly environment and while the girls were cooking everyone, girls and guys alike, was chatting and having a good time. It was just mutually understood that ONLY girls cook and that the guys get served first then the girls can eat.
Which brings me to another point…gender. (WARNING: crazy rant about the injustices of the world to follow). Gender inequity really is an issue here. A lot of Ecuadorians don’t believe me when I say that machismo is alive and well. Or they’ll say, “Yeah, in the communities they are really machista, but not here.” Granted, there are some things that are a lot worse in the communities. But even here in Alausí and in big cities where things are more progressive, there is still a lot of inequality. Most people think that only domestic abuse is machismo, which is not true at all. The parrillada is a prime example. It is just generally accepted that women serve men. I have yet to see a man wash dishes or do laundry.
Another example: the other day I was talking to the coordinator of COCACH. He was asking me about my life goals, what I was going to do after PC, etc. He’s really cool and we get along great. I told him I want to travel and eventually go back and get my masters and maybe even a doctorate. He thought that was great and really encouraged me. Then came the bomb. “Don’t you want to settle down and have kids?” Which in and of its self is not a bad question. That’s kind of the general cycle of human life. But inherent in his question was, “Well, you’re going to give all that up when you have a family, right? What if your husband doesn’t want you to work?” I have gotten this question from a lot of people. There is progress towards equality in that a woman can have a career if she wants…but only if her husband permits it. Which is NOT okay. A woman should be able to work (or not work) because SHE wants to, not because a man LETS her. I’m by no means arguing that women should give up getting married and having families to have careers. I’m saying that a happy medium is possible and that being a wife and mother are not the only things that women are capable of.
Considering all this, it is so easy to think that women are just the innocent victims of men’s overaggressive behavior and oppressive behavior, which is not the case at all. Ecuadorians are some of the most amazing people I have met in the world. They are incredibly generous and friendly and many aspects of the culture are simply beautiful. These gender roles are simply instilled in them from the day they are born and naturally flow with the course of everyday life, which in many cases is not so different from what happens in the US. The difference is that here the role that gender inequality plays is much more poignant.
These gender differences and the resulting treatment of men and women trancend into health care (which is principally my concern and job here in Ecuador). To better explain this, I want to tell you the story of a friend of mine here in Alausí. I’m going to call her and her husband Maria and Juan for the sake of anonymity. I feel though, that this is a universal problem that couples face here in Ecuador and worldwide. Maria and Juan fell in love when they were 21. They are both really awesome people and Juan is one of the most respectful guys I’ve ever met. Like many young couples in love, they wanted to express their feelings for each other, but also wanted to be responsible in their decisions so they went to the doctor to go on birth control. However, the doctor told them that they should be married first. He told Maria that his medical advice if they want to have sex is for her to be a mother. After all, she is 21, prime marriage age. Plus, using birth control can make you sterile (which is a bald faced lie). He therefore could not prescribe contraception to them until they have had at least one child. But Maria and Juan weren’t ready to get married and certainly not have a kid. But since they couldn’t get birth control, they ended up pregnant and had to get married. Even though they love their son and each other very much, they both still want to go out with their friends and enjoy their youth. But who is going to watch the baby while they do this? Maria gets stuck at home taking care of the baby while Juan goes out and parties, often coming home drunk. They fight a lot because of this. Their poor little boy has to listen to his parents fighting all the time and the neighbors frequently complain about the yelling and the crying baby.
There are so many issues here. Juan’s desire to go out isn’t bad. It’s normal for a 23 year old to want to go out with his friends…and Maria should be able to go out to if she wants (which she does). However, it is not acceptable for a parent to come home drunk and belligerent when he has a family to take care of. I’m not saying that Maria and Juan are bad parents at all. I’m just saying that their family could be so much happier if they hadn’t been forced to have children when they weren’t ready, which is a direct result of the health care system failing them, which is in turn because of skewed cultural concepts of gender roles.
The solution to Juan and Maria’s problem is seemingly simple. All they needed was some kind of contraception. In Ecuador, mostly all forms of birth control are free. And there are even methods that require zero effort. A lot of people have problems with the pills because you have to remember to take them every day. But with injections and especially the implants (which have fewer side effects) you literally have to do NOTHING after you get them. But this medically simple solution is nearly a cultural impossibility. 1. People are afraid to talk about the subject because sex is just for married people and shouldn’t be discussed and 2. Even if someone is brave enough to do something about it, machismo quickly squashes that possibility. The Ecuadorian government, the United Nations, countless NGOs and Peace Corps are all working on the former problem by providing all kinds of access to sex education for teenagers, young adults and even married couples. But until cultural conceptions of sexuality, pregnancy prevention and most importantly gender roles change, Maria and Juan’s story will remain an all-too-familiar story for Ecuadorian youth. Changing individual behavior is difficult; changing cultural acceptances and practices is even harder. Doing both? Well, let’s just call it overwhelming for the moment.
That being said, teenage and unwanted pregnancy and the subsequent consequences are not just issues in Ecuador, or even, for lack of a better term, “the developing world”. The US has the highest teen pregnancy rate of any developed country by far. Though some of the reasons for this may be different, many are the same. Social pressure and cultural ideas about sex, sexuality, gender roles and contraception/condom usage are a major influence on a person’s sexual decisions and need to be addressed head-on if any kind of change is to take place.
Maybe I’m far too idealistic (which is highly likely). But I feel that any kind of progress, both large and small scale, can only be achieved through empowering individuals to make their own decisions by creating and equal, open and participative environment for all. As I am learning, that is incredibly difficult, but not impossible. As with most things, you have to start small and work your way up.
So those are my thoughts haha. I’ve probably bored you all (yet again) with my crazy ideas about the world. But at least this time I included pictures.
I hope all is well with everyone at home! I miss you all…and chipotle…
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